Forever Severed from the Thrill Of Coming Light

tree of life

2012-02-15T04:25:00.000-08:00

When was the last time you looked up to the skies? I looked up yesterday, Valentine's Day.

I really don't know who still reads this blog anymore. I am out of insults, or of overly emotional posts. Friends do not exist, life is an illusion. Why bother?

Albeit a pretty illusion.

When did I become a misanthrope? When did I start looking at my own kind with such hatred and disgrace?

When.

It's coming to a point where I don't want to be human anymore, to look at this illusion through the eyes of an alien,of some demon from the Netherworld. I cannot be part of this illusion.

Oh, and why are girls so fucking shallow. No wonder none of them made it as philosophers.

How about some jazz?

valentine verboten 7

2012-02-08T05:10:00.000-08:00

It amazes me that these Valentine Verboten posts are reaching episode 7 now (which means you have a special post in my blog for the seventh time already). But unfortunately I only have one thing to say. Happy Valentines' Day.

I serve a higher purpose.

I'm pretty sure nobody knows I exist on the Internet since I am not pretty enough and my harsh view of life has itself stemmed from isolation and rejection from society. It is a cold and windy night now. I have noone to talk to. God take me away now, the prime of my life is already over.

aqua

2012-02-04T21:05:00.000-08:00

I should be writing more but I'm really tired. And I'm starting to realise the pictures I put up on each post are a representation of what's going through my mind. Anyway, I wanted to share a really cool article I read on things that still can't be explained by physics. Yes, the font is a in different colour because it's a link. You may click on it. Two days later I watched 2011's most 'boring' movie, Tree Of Life, and I thought it was a powerful cinematic experience.

That one scene made my hair stand as it came in succession like a train of thought of random images of Sean Penn seeking for a deeper meaning of life whilst he remembers his mother's coarse whispers to God asking, "Where were you?". It is amazing to see such grace and depth depicted with such minimalism but grandiosity. I shall stop here because most people don't want to know the meaning of life. That this whole thing is an illusion is too difficult a concept to consider when you apply your make-up.

Friends come and go. Why can't you see it.

Take away your products, your clothes, entertainment, nights out. What are you? An empty shell following it's pre-destined path of orbit.

And we laugh and cheer and talk, all for nothing. Run about studying, run about 'loving', kissing, seeking adventure, seeking another form of escape from life, acting religious.

But acceptance is the first step. At first I was lonely and sad. But now I want to be lonely.

She's Lost Control

2012-01-28T05:36:00.000-08:00

This is a band I only found recently. They are apparently post-punk from 1979, and the singer committed suicide before their sophomore album could be released, and that 1980 album, Closer, was touted as one of the best albums of the 1980s. Joy Division apparently created a brand of emotional, suicidal music that many artistes like to do today. I had to hear the original emo myself. It works, I guess. There is pure sadness expressed so beautifully in that man.

Hmmm one day I should whittle away the dead trees (Copyright: Ananth)

I took this picture about a year ago before knowing like... well last month, that this would be my new house. No, not the one at the forefront, but the one behind. I'm on the 19th floor. I like the 70s feel of Tiong Bahru, like nothing has aged since my childhood. Redhill was just a poor place, but Tiong Bahru feels more like a suburb place with the best of the old and essential features of the present. There is a rich culture and there are still old Chinese shophouses for you to buy Hainanese curry rice.

And this place reflects my character well. Traditional and old school, but still trying to be relevant. I say trying because now things like iPhones and designer handbags have become a necessity. Liberal people make me sick.

It has been a good two years since I bitched about anyone. In that two years I have made pleasant new friends, learnt new things about myself and explored philosophy after personal encounters of the third kind myself. It has been fruitful. Sadly, exploration time is over. Today, I want to talk about a North Indian man who escapes army with the miracle cert (MC). I do have a thing against all the North Indians I know because there are pretty much white Marshalls.

He always tries to talk to us. He is supposedly popular, swore at me and thought I was a liar when I told him my parents total income is about $2000. He said I was from ACS(I) and there's no way I would be earning so little. Why the above picture? Because it is the perfect illustration for mental retardation that is embodied by another dog I worked with earlier in my life. He talked to me and Siva about how we shouldn't feed dogs caffeine. He apparently gave his dog coffee.

He had one week of holidays because he took a miracle cert after Chinese New Year holidays, and when told that he had to be on duty today, he suddenly remembered that his parents' anniversary was today.

Another picture of a dog which has no relation to this person whatsoever, as I will not reveal his name here because I do not believe in defaming people online after I called a fellow classmate (and teacher) an alien. Here are some of the legends enshrouding this mysterious figure (as told by the man himself):

His girlfriend was a lesbian until meeting him.
His girlfriend's girlfriend coincidentally liked threesomes and had one with him and his girlfriend.
He gets his supply of weed from a policeman.
His girlfriend's father's birthday happened to be on the same day as his parents' anniversary.
His girlfriend's father was a colonel from the Indian Army.
He suddenly developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome and cannot eat army rations because they are bad for his system and he needs to be able to return home everyday.

Today he escaped duty. Well. Every dog has its day.

Progressive/Technical/Jazz/Math Metal (Left brain music)

2012-01-26T19:03:00.000-08:00

MINDFUCK TIME SIGNATURES, IMPOSSIBLE RIFFS, INCOMPATIBLE FUSIONS, WELCOME TO LEFT BRAIN MUSIC, SON. WE DON'T USE EMOTIONS HERE, WE USE NUMBERS. This list is purely for musicians or people who listen for instruments.

Meshuggah - Bleed
Opeth - The Lotus Eater
Agalloch - Black Lake Nidstang
Death - Scavenger Of Human Sorrow
Shining - Blackjazz Deathtrance
The Dillinger Escape Plan - Destro's Secret
The Dillinger Escape Plan - Milk Lizard
Immolation - Burial Ground
Immolation - Majesty And Decay
Atheist - And The Psychic Saw
Atheist - Mother Man
Animals As Leaders - Tempting Time
Animals As Leaders - Odessa
Animals As Leaders - Cylindrical Sea
Animals As Leaders - To Lead You To An Overwhelming Question
Mastodon - Capillarian Crest
Fredrik Thordendal's Special Defects - Bouncing In A Bottomless Pit
Vildhjarta - Dagger
Steven Wilson - Remainder The Black Dog
Dream Theater - Dance Of Eternity
Brain Drill - Sadistic Abductive
Tool - Lost Keys (Blame Hoffman) + Rosetta Stoned
Tool - The Grudge
Between The Buried And Me - Decade Of Statues
Ihsahn - On The Shores
Intronaut - Miasma
Mr Bungle - Chemical Marriage
Gojira - Art Of Dying
Cynic - Adam's Murmur
Meshuggah - Dancers To A Discordant System

Trademark™

2012-01-22T19:44:00.001-08:00

In 1971, an already famous rock band became fed up with bad mouthing from the public that they were selling out. They were out to make the best album of their career, but they did not want it to be appreciated just because they were Led Zeppelin. Hence, they made an album cover which has no reference to their name whatsoever, but only an affiliation to the music. They were stars, yes, but they only wanted to be recognized for their music.

It wasn’t easy. The record company were sort of insisting that the name go on it. There were eyes looking towards heaven if you like. It was hinted it was professional suicide to go out with an album with no title. The reality of it was that we’d had so many dour reviews to our albums along the way. At the time each came out it was difficult sometimes for the reviewers to come to terms with what was on there, without an immediate point of reference to the previous album. But the ethic of the band was very much summing up where we were collectively at that point in time. An untitled album struck me as the best answer to all the critics — because we knew the way that the music was being received both by sales and attendance at concerts.

The biggest backlash to this album was only from Christians who 'discovered' a Satanic message when playing Stairway To Heaven backwards. Pretty much anything sounds demonic when played the opposite direction. Makes it even more incredible that Led Zeppelin may be the first band of its kind to make multi-dimensional music.

In the wake of the recent raids on download site Megaupload, Internet users have gone on to backlash SOPA and PIPA, two proposed bills which could permit a website be shut down without any notice and its creators, and now, users be arrested in the name of copyright infringement. Wikipedia retaliated with a cheap Java application to redirect any page from its site to an awareness page for the campaign against SOPA, stating that it would blackout for 24 hours to get the world to imagine what a world without free knowledge is. The bill was delayed when Lamar Smith, the smart Christian who came up with this proposal, was himself found to have infringed copyright by using photos not belonging to him on his own SOPA website.

This isn't serious? Let me tell you what happens if this bills comes to pass:

With the new bill, anything that infringes copyright will be deleted without notice.
That means Wikipedia and Google will be taken down or affected in some way. No Google=no Youtube. Vevo is in talks of moving to Facebook already.
With Facebook being the only social medium for people left to interact legally online, anybody can be monitored online just as Facebook already does now.
Anyone who just as much downloaded a song could be thrown to jail. Currently the fine is estimated $150,000 or US$66 000 PER piece of media. That's how much the music industry thinks you, as an induvidual, cost them per song. On iTunes, one song is less than a dollar at a lower quality than piratebay.
For guys, this means no more porn.
With the new bill, only music that the industry promotes will be known, an artistes that made music as a passion and with zero funds will be forever ignored.
The government will have successfully created a system that creates a monopoly in music and social media.

And don't run away saying "This is only in America." When one taxi company raises its fares, others will follow suite. Because international interest is cherished by governments, unless you are reading this from the Middle East. You can't have Singapore allowing websites blocked by America, they will make noise. So we block these sites too. And that also means you're either going to pay $150, 000 for every song on your iTunes you downloaded illegally.

Can you put a price on Art? Apparently you can put a price to the authenticity of Art, because you buy that Picasso piece not because it is Art but because it is an artwork BY Picasso. This is the way the music industry works up till Mediafire was created. Sure there is radio, but buying the music is different. That's why Adele can still sell 17 million copies even though there are a lot of fat girls with musical talent, probably even more. But because Columbia Records only makes posters of her while you watch "Rolling In The Deep" for the umpteenth time on MTV, she will be the one who takes your money. Concerts and tours are funded by these labels after assessment of the number of downloads, radio requests and CD sales from an artistes. So either way, you will only see the same few artistes. Justin Bieber, who only made two albums, and was handpicked by Usher for his attractiveness to forever alone girls, had a movie about him called "Never Say Never". He was the epitome of determination.

In contrast, a man with the same initials, Jason Becker, who was a guitar virtuoso before even reaching the pinnacle of his career, with just three albums and live shows with fellow shredder Marty Friedman, was struck by a disorder that renders him paralyzed from the face. He cannot play guitar, and he should have died by age 23-24. He is still alive today making music with the help of his father even if he can't play. This man shreds on guitar what Muse does with synthesis today. His fans, dedicated enough, produced an entire documentary out of their own charity. This film will be called 'Not Dead Yet'. Still, 'Never Say Never' is a more inspirational story.

So what is my point? I try not to be political, I try not to be musical, and I try not to be religious. The only thing I specialize in is writing. I only know how to phrase and write my two cents. I am not happy with the state of the world, with its excitement in A&F models parading in Orchard road- grown men becoming attention whores. Beauty is measured by your six-pack today. The world's record holder for completing the most sit-ups, in other words, having the strongest core, does not even have a ripped six-pack. He trains for strength, not beauty. But A&F can't let you know that- they make money from your ignorance!

And you will continue to be cheated and lied to, not because they are cunning but because you want it yourself. As long as the moth continues to be dazzled by fire, it will get burnt in the end. Misanthropy and anarchy have never seemed so important before.

burn

2012-01-21T06:34:00.000-08:00

I have repeated more than enough times how lightning inspired me. Raw energy that tears through the sky with nothing to stop it, thunder that whips at the world below. It has been sad, running around like a headless chicken, whatever the fuck that is, without anything to fight. Some people are born with niceties and warmth enshrouding them. Luck comes to their fingertips because they have money or they are born pretty.

And the rest of us are ugly, poor chickens waiting to be slaughtered whilst looking at the beautiful elite as they stretch out their hands with bird feed for us to slave off.

Yesterday I heard three roars of thunder almost simultaneously, and the result was... electrifying. A vicious storm in the middle of a dry spell; unexpected, loud, terrific. Like a metal gig, like a bomb, like the scream of a victim ripping apart the sky when she sees her predator. Obliteration never looked so divine.

Fire in the Upanishads are the portals to which we engage God. Pure energy which is invisible but provides heat and light without which we cease to exist. Lifeless rocks orbiting the Sun. This glorious illusion must burn to reach Heaven- heaven's on fire after all. The only way I achieve what I want is by force because being nice doesn't help, and warmth isn't enough heat for people to pay attention.

It must hurt like lightning, the tiny spark that sends the master's hand flying back in anguish. Your beauty was made to burn after all. Fire is is life, fire is death. Watch it bring you from one state to another, in just a spark.

Old Is Gold: The 80s Vol. 1

2012-01-21T03:09:00.000-08:00

The 80s weren't all about Michael Jackson and ABBA. Here's a list of 80s anthems, some obscure, some famous then but forgotten now. It's frightening, how much current music has devolved.

Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart
Genesis - Land Of Confusion
Public Enemy - Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos
Sonic Youth - Teen Age Riot
U2 - Sunday Bloody Sunday
Stevie Ray Vaughan - Pride And Joy
Pixies - Where Is My Mind?
Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels
Prince - Sign 'O' Our Time
Van Halen - Hot For Teacher
A-Ha - Take On Me
Ministry - The Land Of Rape And Honey
Joy Division - Decades
The Smiths - There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
Donna Summers - Hot Stuff
Prince - When Doves Cry
Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus
R.E.M - Radio Free Europe
U2 - With Or Without You
Guns N Roses - Sweet Child O'Mine
Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane
Nine Inch Nails - Wish
Killing Joke - The Hum
Talking Heads - Once In A Lifetime
Tom Waits - Clap Hands
Sonic Youth - Silver Rocket
The Fall - Gut Of The Quantifier
This Heat - Makeshift Swahili
Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique

as we come to cny

2012-01-20T08:45:00.000-08:00

“I have heard from the critics and I take seriously their concerns regarding proposed legislation to address the problem of online piracy,” Smith said in a statement. “It is clear that we need to revisit the approach on how best to address the problem of foreign thieves that steal and sell American inventions and products.”

"Texas Congressman Lamar Smith is facing questions after a series of Twitter photos show his campaign website using an image that appears to have been directly lifted from an artist’s Flickr page."

Meanwhile in Singapore....

"'The difference between the proposal accepted by the PAP Government and the WP's proposal is that the latter leaves out the principle of sacrifice (and the) discounts to reflect service to the people,' [Zaqy] said."

""It would be 'more transparent' to peg ministerial salaries to 'the competitive salaries that the calibre of people we are looking for in ministers earn, or have the potential to earn', said the Minister of State for Health [Amy Khor]."

""Such excitement 'was not because Mr Chen was considered to be a 'median-income' sort of guy, or somehow an emblem of the lowest income quintile of society', observed Mr [Alvin Yeo]. "Rather, with his 'sterling qualifications', Mr Chen 'was proof that opposition parties could also attract the sort of top talent, that one day perhaps may form the Government'."

"'Pay should not be the reason for entering politics, but neither should it be the reason for losing talent,' said Mr [Sam] Tan (Radin Mas) in Mandarin."

Meanwhile in Sweden...

"After a long time of deep soul searching and intense wrecking of the psyches, the new album is finally done. Soon you will meet this colossus that will pulverize your being. Welcome to the other side on March 27."

Metal And Post-Rock Instrumentals

2012-01-19T18:06:00.000-08:00

This is a list of metal songs with no lyrics since a lot of people complain that the screaming of metal is a major turn off. The vocals were never a factor in metal as compared to skill with musical instruments. I had a much larger list but I decided to take some out and seperate them to a different note for later, under jazz-influenced metal or progressive metal/rock. One note cannot handle so much heaviness, enjoy. Comment if you want me to tag you in subsequent lists.

Jason Becker - Opus Pocus
Cacophony - Speed Metal Symphony
Nile - As He Creates So He Destroys
Death Angel - The Ultra Violence
Baroness - O'er Hell And Hide
Violator - Ordered To Thrash
Dream Theater - Dance Of Eternity
Revocation - Across Forests And Fjords
Death - Voice Of The Soul
Animals As Leaders - Tempting Time
Jeff Loomis - Cashmere Shiv
Dark Angel - Cauterization
Cobalt - A Clean, Well-Lighted Place
Mastodon - Divinations[Instrumental]
Metallica - Call Of Kthulu
Nuclear Assault - Game Over
Agalloch - To Drown
Cynic - Nunc Fluens
Shining - Helter Skelter
Tool - Triad
Blut Aus Nord - Epitome VI
Alcest - Les Iris
Marty Friedman - Forbidden Cities
Sieges Even - The Roads To Illiad
Haken - Premonition
Russian Circles - Praise Be Man
Exodus - A Perpetual State Of Indifference
Cannibal Corpse - From Skin to Liquid
Sepultura - Inquisition Symphony
Megadeth - Into The Lungs Of Hell
Megadeth - Dialectic Chaos
Deathrow - Triocton
Decrepit Birth - Sea Of Memories

warpath

2012-01-15T05:28:00.000-08:00

I have a strange feeling and I don't know how to explain it. I feel sad yet happy at the same time. Not mixed, like, a level of bittersweet in the middle. And then again it's not that. The mind cannot concentrate on more than one thought after all. So what is this?

I feel like this is madness, but it isn't painful. It just feels weird, as I watch everything around me change. Some unearthly power emanating from some mysterious latent chasm in a Cimmerian dreamscape. Looking at the world with a weird point of view.

I would not be able to see Opeth, one of my favourite bands, live in Singapore. Because I do not take MCs or feign illnesses easily. Same with Kvelertak, Lamb Of God, The Dillinger Escape Plan and Judas Priest.

Reading comments of 'friendzone' on 9gag.com. All walks of life sharing the confession of their love to a crush only to be pushed aside because the girl, or sometimes, the guy thought of them as friends. Currently I am reading a book by an economist who theorizes that marriage, or love, for that matter, is merely an economic transaction. The feeling that people call love is merely a secretion of hormones in the body. That's the chemistry you're having with your crush.

As all emotion slowly drains from me, as what I learn in religious class slowly shows its ugly face on every shallow mind I scroll past on the Internet - with the ever-baffling behavior of numerous gents liking a pretty sprat's muse, even though I read it many times myself in different voices in my head but it still sounds retarded. Hey, this should be a status. But it won't get as many likes.

This is sadly a selfish world because all life is made to be selfish in principle. To survive. I look upon this race and its chains to all things fake, and laugh at myself. I have fallen prey to alcohol myself. Still better to make an illusory world better with beer than to buy things that don't matter anymore. And I went on a rampage last night after getting high. I woke up to 26 notifications today. It matters not if half were perplexed or pissed by my comments ("My mother likes chocolates.") I felt loved to see a speech bubble on the blue interface - attention! And realised all the hate I felt towards this world when I was young and foolish is coming back, but in a different form. It didn't feel angry, it- I can't explain.

I must be going mad after all.

I shall end with a quote from my Encik:

"You must peel the Earth to all it's ugliness - the truth that people don't want to see, only then you can reconstruct the beauty you want to see it in because you already knew how to deconstruct it."

New Age Black Metal - The Most Challenging Genre Of Music

2012-01-14T06:13:00.000-08:00

New Age Black Metal - The Most Challenging Genre Of Music. And my reason? Simply because black metal can be used as a tone and fused with virtually any genre of music. Pushing the lyrical and instrumental bounds of music, be it emotional or intellectually, black metal teaches you to appreciate the ugliness of the earth instead of escaping it or denying it. Here, handpicked - songs to begin with for a state of being you will never achieve with other music.

Liturgy - Mysterium [Transcendental Black Metal]
Kvelertak - Sjøhyenar (Havets herrer) [Punk Black Metal]
Castevet - Grey Matter [Blackened Noisecore]
Shining - 21St Century Schizoid Man (King Crimson Cover) [Blackened Jazz]
Ihsahn - A Grave Inversed [Djent Black Metal]
Behemoth - Daimonos [Blackened Death]
Nachtmystium - Nightfall [Psychedelic Black Metal]
Rudra - Hymns From The Blazing Chariot [Vedic Metal]
Gris - La Dryade [Acoustic Black Metal]
Negura Bunget - Þesarul De Lumini [Atmospheric Black Metal]
Cobalt - Gin [Blackened Sludge]
Alcest - Là Où Naissent Les Couleurs Nouvelles [Blackgaze]
Circle Of Ouroborus - Warpath [Suicidal Black Metal]
Numen - Ama Lurra [Blackened Folk]
Avichi - Sermon On The Mount [Blackened Drone]
Triptykon - Goetia [Blackened Doom]
Blut Aus Nord - Epitome I [Avant garde Black Metal]
Agalloch - Ghosts Of Midwinter Fires [Progressive Black Metal]
Anaal Nathrakh - I Am The Wrath Of Gods And The Desolation Of The Earth [Blackened Grindcore]
Hell - On Earth As It Is In Hell [Epic Black Metal]
Inquisition - Cosmic Invocation Rites [Blackened Thrash]
Krallice - Telluric Rings [Transcendental Black Metal]
Drowning The Light - As The Blood Flows On.... [Melodic Black Metal]
1349 - Psalm 7:77 [Technical Black Metal]

acoustic/clean metal

2012-01-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

Here's a collection of acoustic interludes, intros and compositions, all from metal bands, to show how akin metal music is to classical. Songs selected have no distortion and have been separated into instrumentals and songs with vocals.

Instrumentals:

Aaskereia - Instrumental
Animals As Leaders - Espera
Baroness - Blackpowder Orchard
Cobalt - Throat
From the Sunset, Forest and Grief - From the Sunset, Forest and Grief
Gris - La Dryade
Numen - Ama Lurra
Opeth - Patterns In The Ivy
Opeth - Marrow Of The Earth
Opeth - Silhouette
Oskoreien - Ode To Arinbjorn
Shroud Of Despondency - Something Of Nothing
Spectral Lore - Introitus
Ulver - Hiertets Vee
Ulver - Høyfjeldsbilde
Woods Of Desolation - November
Valkyrie - Windswept

With Vocals:

Agalloch - A Desolation Song
Alcest - Sur L'Ocean Couleur De Fer
Blind Guardian - War Of The Thrones
Demons & Wizards - Fiddler On The Green
Jonathan Davis - Forsaken [Live]
Opeth - Hours Of Wealth
Opeth - Closure
Pantera - Suicide Note Part I
Rudra - Meditations At Dawn
Nest - Last Vestige Of Old Joy
Slipknot - Vermillion Part 2
Slipknot - Circle
Tool - Disposition
40 Watt Sun - Restless [Live]

This is of course not a good representation because acoustic parts interlink with metal songs here and there now. Leave a comment if you enjoyed this note, so that I can tag you for subsequent notes on other genres like 80s sub-pop, shoegaze, jazz, etc.

espera

2012-01-05T22:14:00.000-08:00

Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong says the government plans to accept the recommendations made by the Ministerial Salary Committee, reported Channel NewsAsia (CNA). The Committee has proposed a 36 per cent pay cut for the Prime Minister, a 51 per cent cut for the President and a 37 per cent cut for entry-grade ministers.

"When I made the decision to join politics in 2006, pay was not a key factor. Loss of privacy, public scrutiny on myself and my family and loss of personal time were. The disruption to my career was also an important consideration. I had some ground to believe that my family would not suffer a drastic change in the standard of living even though I experienced a drop in my income. So it is with this recent pay cut. If the balance is tilted further in the future, it will make it harder for any one considering political office."

Yahoo News: Snake-like queues were spotted at DBS and POSB branches and passbook update machines around the island on Friday morning after DBS said it is investigating a total of over $200,000 worth of unauthorised withdrawals.

"Investigations are currently underway and we are presently validating all ATM/Debit card transactions made in Malaysia over the past few days. We will also be alerting customers should we detect any unusual activity on their accounts," said Jeremy Soo, managing director and head of consumer banking for DBS Bank in Singapore,"We are treating the matter with utmost priority and would like to assure customers that they will be fully compensated, for any unauthorised withdrawals, within 24 hours. We will also issue replacement ATM/Debit cards on-the-spot at any DBS/POSB branch."

17-year-old student Kwek Jian Qiang from Temasek JC pointed out in a letter to TODAY that "there are significant disparities in the quality of learning environments".

"There is a need to equalise government spending on school facilities. Campuses such as Anderson JC's and Victoria JC's pale in comparison to ITE College East's. Our brightest students, who will become Singapore's future leaders, should get the best facilities in order to excel and grow. We should reward according to merit."

ITE students fighting back:

All I can think of right now is smiling and ignoring all these idiots. Straits Times needs money after all. And we want entertainment. They are just supplying what people demand to escape their mundane lives: DRAMA.

genelia d'souza

2012-01-01T22:41:00.001-08:00

Whoa.

A Madman's Meditations In Capricorn

2011-12-29T07:16:00.000-08:00

We are currently about 50 hours away from the end of 2011, and so my mad rants from the past twelve months must likewise come to their end. The skies are forever grey now and this is perfect for blogging and a select mixture of Opeth, Radiohead and Tool are emanating from my headphones as I type. Tis is the month of the mysterious goat and this is my December. The goats are known to be cold, unfeeling creatures sometimes whilst travelling about in its own world of mysticism and philosophy. And no philosopher can be a happy man.

The Upanishads have instructed me to let go of all human relationships and this was always a hard thing for me to do. This was the one concept that held me and shook me in Hinduism, it goes against all other religions and ideologies. There was no way I could stop caring for people even when they didn't care about me - this is selfless giving, I thought. And now, as the cold firmament of December slowly gives way to spears of warm light in January, when the medieval primates will celebrate the passing of another 365 days - time, the man-made dimension. And yet it is time that showed me the ways of the divine.

Even my brain, which I always prided in my ways of thought and consciousness, is physically changing. Neurons die and new ones are created, cells die and old ones take their role. The mind, the product of physical matter, cannot be measured by the physical world. I can't even have a relationship with my physical self, because it is changing.

And perhaps, and in cruel troll fashion, I have found this to be true when other people are involved. They are changing faster than you can think. You cannot tell them how much you care because thoughts are physical and therefore non-existent, or rather, insignificant.

People talk about how time in school was the best. That fucking building will change soon and so will the memories. This is a lie. All my life I always planned and thought of the future. But now I realised I am just foolishly awaiting a repetition of the past and that this is insignificant. People can't even stay true to themselves. How will they stay true to you? You imagine it.

Bits of human idiocy fall in to place with this realisation - God is in me. I am God, not me, not my personality, but my being alive. And to love one and all equally is to cut all personal relationships. This is universal and in all religion, slaughtered and served differently by various manifestations of human ego.

I laughed at rishis and sages that travelled the world and let go of all who loved them. That same thought now causes tears. I cannot let go of my family, even if all my friends just disappear (or appear when they are not wanted, I cannot tell which is worse). People I don't know trolling me, people I care about trolling me. Yeah I'm getting bullied and it's probably karma since I used to insult people online, and they all probably have more balls than me because I cannot take being taken lightly when I push every thought in every action that I take.

Why bother? Even God does not approve. Giving blood and entertaining people with no real legitimate problems, whose hardest choice in life is only which dress to wear, which beer to buy, which girl to fuck. The shallow will no doubt be happy but, the mind is constantly changing.

Next year, the goat will walk alone. Goodbye, fucking scumbags. And anyway, if you were good to me, you can still approach me. I haven't become a sage yet. It just doesn't pay to be nice to people anymore does it?

suicide

2011-12-28T07:21:00.000-08:00

Every girl on the block seems to be laughing at me now. This is hopeless. Especially the ones I cared for.

The desire to commit suicide has never been stronger.

2011

2011-12-24T21:21:00.000-08:00

2011 was tough.

I remember my mother reading aloud my horoscope in 2009, reading that the Sun is in a bad position on my star. I was going to suffer for a few years. I laughed. I laughed. And yet as the Sun set every time, I collapsed onto my bed for the next 900 days and told myself, "Your ma knows what's best for you".

Friends parted and I would gravitate surreptitiously towards the corners of the library, to the gym, to the canteen, holding out a book I pretended to read whilst seeing my own reflection on the shiny reflective surface of either the book or the glass or something, looking back at the ghost of an idiot that mutated away from survival. An idiot with a gaping mouth staring back at me, wondering what he was doing here.

My teacher in 2009 gave everyone a stack of small square papers, asked us to take a pen and write our name on it, and to pass it on. Write something on it, about the person, called a candy note. I looked down at mine.

"Hey ~~behemoth~~ Satthia, keep up the good job in PW."
"Hi thanks for changing place with me for PW ♥ you :)"

"So silent, so awesome."

"Pro at GP."
"MILKBOY! HAHA... Quiet but super funny at times :P"
"Intelligent, silent, thoughtful guy."
"Smart & quiet =.="
"I'm really impressed with you English & Lit ability."
"Buff, mature in thinking."

"Your arms are so big! Loves it, I wanna hug them!"

"Insightful."
"Intriguing."

"Deep.."

"Bufflord ♥♥"
"Friendly, affable."

"Mature."

"Stop thinking you're damn buff.. haha nice guy"

"mysterious.."
"Buff+hardworking anti-Jew Econs rep ftw!"

"responsible and hardworking"

"Always deep in thought"

"Youtotallyowned gp essay :>"

"You're damn good in gp???"

"-Very responsible!"

"-look smart"

"Silent... but still waters run deep!"

It's going to be my last year in Henderson Road. I'm moving a bit further up. But it's hard to forget almost two decades of my life in this place. The quirkiness of the 90s, the thrills of childhood, the alienation in my teens. I've been living here since I was born.

How the four rooms felt like a castle, I still retreat here even now. The world outside's too fucked up.

Institutionalized in Tekong, with friends who I will never forget. Meeting all sorts of personalities, even the odd ones who eventually became the more memorable people to this day.

Attending religious classes, experiencing ghosts in Tekong, sitting down in my bunk on Friday nights, looking at the sky as it rained like fuck on that damned island. Taking the ferry ride and seeing this country shrink against the sepia of the setting sun on the horizon. Plugging my music in and wondering who actually gave a fuck about me here besides my parents and brothers. I have changed. And so has my social circle. And moving to PLC, with the few of my friends. Failing course twice, but honour and glory doesn't mean anything now does it. It's false and temporary like a slut's warm text message.

Sitting with the smokers at the smoking corner, watching them as they elegantly drew a long, pensive puff of tobacco and blowing rings into the air, watching them spiral out and disappear as they rose while I take a swig of my beer. My phone would vibrate with text messages from people who I care about in the outside world. The message shows they don't. I would launch into the world and conspiracy theories with them in our little hideout under the hill behind Charlie company, with cups of curried instant noodles and a fresh new can of either red bull or justea or chrysanthemum tea. As my friend smokes, I see his pain too. He may have a girl, but that's not the problem.

I would talk about my father. He was hospitalized for diabetic symptoms, along with high blood pressure, cholesterol, abnormal heart rate, whatever the fuck every aged Indian man seems to get these days. He takes a handful of pills every night, perhaps even more than his actual food intake. And God, if so happens to exist a figure up there that writes tragic comedies with our lives, didn't spare him much. He slipped and fell, injuring his leg and an already hurting shoulder. The scans indicated a large tear in his ligaments. My father became a left hander for the two months that followed. I had just been accepted to NUS, and he would sit and have long talks with me about my future. What do you want to do, how are you going to do? I would stare into his piercing black eyes. I looked at his hand dangling from a shoulder sling. One day he would be gone and I would be the one making the family's decisions. He bore me when he was 34. That's a three and half decades of difference.

Sitting in the small aircon class with an old woman dressed in white, a couple of girls that came on and off, Ananth and Shiva, watching in awe as they tackled all forms of religious ideas while I had nothing to say. My parents hadn't taught me anything about being a Hindu. All I knew were myths and tales of random deities and the morals that followed. Talk of duty, of the Self, of the meaning of life. I wasn't prepared. My mind was virtually empty because I had no belief to hold on to. Reading the commentary of the Gita and letting everything flow into my otherwise empty mind, the knowledge stayed there for long. Slushing about as I ran for delirious reasons in camp, as I showered, as I sat down at night and pretended to read mindless statuses on my Facebook news feed. Something as benign as "Once you dislike a person, everything the person does really makes you irritated. #truefacts" can get a pretty girl 10 likes from hopeful guys. This is not my world.

The world, my friend, is a very very ugly place teeming with a race of savage creatures called men.

There's so much happening in the world. So much nonsense. Team America has slayed all the 'tyrants' of the world, and the Middle East, Russia and Korea are all in a state of volatile instability. Like an electron's path, nothing can ever be confirmed. We complain about transport being stopped. We don't worry about the train being stopped, we arrow the people in charge. We misquote an MP and his insinuations on dark skinned people's language capabilities. That makes for a good news. It is after all, entertainment media now. We complain of floods in Orchard Road while floods in Thailand destroy property and kill hundreds. Our whole existence is dreaming of a state of perfection we can never achieve and to continually complain in Singapore.

It's Christmas week, and I'm on off. My writings are become more warped by day, writing things that nobody seems to care about anyway. I read what I wrote at the end of last year. I'm not going to list people to thank for reminding me of my existence anymore.

2011 was a tough year. It was the year I learnt that I exist whether or not other people do.

Mention it to me, mention anything, mention it to me, and watch the weather change.

dystopia.

2011-12-22T21:41:00.000-08:00

"I noticed that the PR mentioned that some of the staff because they are Malay, they are Indian, they can't converse in English good, well enough, so that also deters them, from (sic) but I think we accept broken English."

He's the same guy who nearly got burnt by an old man two years ago. The old man was jailed.

"Last Thursday evening's breakdown, which caused 11 stations - from Bishan to Marina Bay - on the North-South Line to be shut down, plunged some 127,000 commuters into chaos for five hours. It was attributed to a "power-rail problem"."

"STOMPers are disturbed by the rise in the number of girls in Singapore who seem to be proud of behaving like hooligans. One 14-year-old girl even bragged on facebook about slapping her mother."

"18-year-old Aaron Tan made a video in which he threatens and taunts 14-year-old Ryanzxc Gobangwall for “honging (flirting in Singapore gangster lingo)” his ex-girlfriend, Nina Wantyouonly."

This is home, truly-

chuck schuldiner, the death of music.

2011-12-12T21:08:00.000-08:00

Between me and you, metalhead, there isn't anyone who truly gives a fuck about Schuldiner. Some random guitarist who thankfully died from brain tumour so that he'd stop berating on the world and the dumb people that live on it without a clue to their reason for existence. No, enough of that screaming that sounds like construction work going on, as a lady friend of mine used to describe, enough of mindless guitar wails and howls that can't possibly musical.

And what would the world rather be listening to? Pop stars using four chords, singing about love or pain. Love for a physically attractive person of the opposite gender, pain of not able to get such a person, or celebrating the paltry aspects of life. Don't believe me? Look at the Top 10 local charts (913FM):

#1 Lady Gaga - Marry The Night (about how the nightlife liberates women, yeah right)
#2 One Direction - Gotta Be You (one-dimensional itself)
#3 Big Time Rush - Music Sounds Better With You (hahahahaha)
#4 Evan Taubenfeld ft. Avril Lavigne - Best Years Of Our Lives (break-up)
#5 The Wanted - Warzone (break-up)
#6 Justin Bieber - Mistletoe (love for a girl)
#7 Selena Gomez - Hit The Lights (be adventurous)
#8 Girls' Generation - The Boys (another male adventure)
#9 Demi Lovato Ft Dev - Whos That Boy (uhuh)
#10Katy Perry - The One That Got Away (lucky for him)

And as if that craze wasn't enough there was the recent K-pop saga, when a Straits Time reporter, in an unrare moment of personal prejudice rightfully condemned K-pop bands and the self-confessed intelligent life forms that acquiesce their devotion to such 'talented' musicians, dubbing themselves Cassiopeias. In an act of idiotic self-pride, they have established a petition on Twitter asking for a public apology from this writer who merely compared the phenomenon to a utopian novel which describes mindless robots in the dystopic future. Currently there are 1155 confirmed idiots who have signed this petition. I am one of a small 335 people who signed the anti-petition. Long live K-pop and Cassiopeian princes (or other females).

Chuck Schuldiner is nothing compared to these people. He has no musical talent. He screams his lungs out and maintains a vibrato scream-sing style which only he has been able to perform to this day, what a lifeless clone. He plays songs with multiple time signatures and fused jazz scales with metal to create an entirely new genre entitled progressive death metal. Anybody could do that. Not to mention how fast his guitar is, a balance between aggressive brutality and melodic beauty. His battle with brain cancer was well-deserved, and his fight with the disease was uninspiring. Look at Katy Perry battling her guilt with the one who got away, that is more heart-wrenching! Or Lady Gaga fighting for her sexuality by stripping down to underwear and dancing suggestively! That is inspiration. Not a stupid old man who admonished other heavy metal bands for their negative imagery of life, or the philosophical pursuits for the ultimate truth in his later albums. He was a man who made music solely because he loved his instrument, not a respectable pop star who does it for attention and money today.

I may be a fanboy but at least I know my admiration for these heroes stand out from the rest of the unmusical world. Chuck Schuldiner's lyrics reminded me of how I was in control in tough times, reminded me that 10 years ago, a man battling tough chemotherapy sessions didn't stop doing what he believed in, reminded me that anger and aggression need not necessarily mean I have to look at life negatively, reminded me that there was beauty in everything and anything, and that people are idiots for what they do. Puppets, clones all living life without understanding the self, without seeking the deeper meaning of life.

And he is just one of a thousand artistes with similar technical playing capabilities and songwriting skill. Good riddance to good music.

Let us celebrate the death of Chuck Schuldiner, and the death of creative music!

gin

2011-12-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

Gin is a really strong liquor.

I am typing after half a glass.

And listening to this as I type.

Yeah I told Kara we should have been a couple. But that's half a message. We weren't meant to be. Contrary to what % of the people I talk to tell me. Nah. Just that I was more patient of the two.

How idiotically stupid of me.

And I exploded at that dumb bitch, a different one not Kara, the other day, because she was damn sure I told her my brother was from SJI and I was trolling her and she pmsed me about it. I must be wrong.

She called a few days later to apologize.

I just ended the call. My life, I'm spiraling down, down down down.

Ha.

My father isn't talking to me anymore because I failed his expectations as a son because I failed my army course and because I am pursuing useless things like philosophy and religion at my age, not to mention taking arts and social sciences in university.

I am a failure because I one to be myself.

Who was I to think that the world accepts honesty.

The worlds all about alcohol hahahahahahaha.

Sweet sweet gin, oh what has happened to me......

The Best Metal Of 2011

2011-12-08T00:36:00.000-08:00

This year was such a difficult year to put down a list of great metal releases because there were far too many of them, and I decided to just put a list of my favorites rather than go for some elitist take on what I feel, and not think, are the best metal albums this year. I have put down those which have the highest play count on my iTunes. 2011 has showed me that sometimes, good old fashioned, timeless music is the way to go, as compared to 2010 which so many great fusion/experimental releases. There are still plenty of experimental releases here but in the ends, the ones that still maintained the classic feel made it to the end. Enjoy the list. Also, there is a selection of my recommended songs and I have limited it to one song per artiste to make it fair.

Other Professional Lists:

PopMatters

Pitchfork

About

NPR

Metal Assault

MetalStorm (TBA)

Honourable Mentions:

Fleshgod Apocalypse - Agony

Benighted - Asylum Cave

Black Tusk - Set The Dial

Mastodon - The Hunter

Absymal Dawn - Levelling The Plane Of Existence

Nightwish - Imaginaerium

Insomnium - One For Sorrow

Obscura - Omnivium

Symphony X - Iconoclast

Megadeth - Th1rt3en

Circle Of Ouroborus - Eleven Fingers

Tombs - Path Of Totality

Krisiun - The Great Execution

Disma - Towards The Megalith

Mr Big - What If...

Primordial - Redemption At The Puritan's Hand

Hammers Of Misfortune - 17th Street

Steven Wilson - Grace For Drowning

Septic Flesh - The Great Mass

Amon Amarth - Surtur Rising

Notable Albums:

Liturgy - Aesthetica [Transcendental Black Metal]

They is some serious hate going around about these guys being black metal hipsters ruining the genre with their jeans and hobo ideas on philosophy of music as a transcendental experience. Off-studio debate aside, a listen to the recording proved otherwise; Liturgy has music that is cacophonous even the most hardcore black metal legends like Mayhem or Emperor might actually be freaked out. Together with Krallice, Liturgy is pushing black metal to a whole new level.

Empros - Russian Circles [Post Metal / Instrumental]

Not sure to include this but I guess it has enough metal, but more importantly, the musical dynamics of soft-loud are very nicely done on this album, which explores emotions with a greater depth than the band's earlier releases. You won't find many hardcore moments on this album, but if you appreciate music with a glass of wine and some introspection, this is a nice place to sit in.

Haken – Visions [Progressive Rock]

Instrumentals like Portals and Premonition are immediately accessible yet multi-layered with solos that sound like they were written for the album. Ross Jennings’ vocals are completely outstanding, and you can see that in songs like Nocturnal Conspiracy. Moreover the album manages to flow well, with dreamy psychedelic works like Shapeshifter and Deathless. What’s surprising is that this is only the band’s second album, and these guys may very well become the next Dream Theatre.

Opeth – Heritage [retro-Progressive Jazz / Classic Rock]

Heritage boasts rich guitar from Fredrik, unbelievable drumming from Martin Axenrot, amazing keyboards from Per Wilberg, Martin Mendez's signature basslines, and Mikael's stunning vocals. Lyrics continue to be poetic and song structures are totally unpredictable this time, the first song itself shifting from classic rock to balladry to funk and then to a beautiful guitar solo in the end. That's not the end. I Feel The Dark has the most emotional introduction I have ever heard from Opeth. Therein lies the key; the album is written based on honest, raw emotion that seems to have been frozen in time back when Mikael was 18 years old.

Esoteric - Paragon Of Dissonance [Funeral Doom Metal]

There are numerous artistes who play doom metal with the same drone effect it is almost surprising to see a band play their own kind of doom, and that is Esoteric. On Paragon, the group create a torturous and atmospheric journey into death, with moments of chilling beauty and emotion that it becomes clear that Esoteric is a genuine band that focuses on real music rather than gimmicks or black metal wankery.

Best Comeback:

Iced Earth - Dystopia [Heavy Metal]

The album's lead single and first song Dystopia starts off with Schaffer's usual guitar and military drums, sounding like Wolf. Seems normal enough. Then Stu Block enters with a powerful black metal scream, then Schaffer explodes into shred mode, then Stu goes from a Barlow-esque low pitched singing style to a higher register like Tim 'Ripper' Owens, before going into his own metalcore vocals in the chorus after which Troy Steele stamps the song with his fret solo. And this is just the first song.

Favourite Albums Of 2011:

15. Deafhaven - Roads To Judah [Blackened Shoegaze]

The first thing that drew me to the album was the genre, which I have grown to love over the years. And as soon as the first song "Violet" kicked in, I found myself unmistakeably thinking of Ecailles De Lune by the Alcest. Considering that this is merely the debut of a San Fransisco band, it is all the more impressive after one listen, which doesn't mean it is one dimensional either; the album unveils many progressive elements upon many listens. One thing that seperates this from the childlike euphoria of Alcest, is the maintainability of blastbeats and jagged riffs even through the beautiful soundscape created by the musicians, with bits of hardcore and scene music slowly let loose into the mix of this unique blackgaze sound.

14. Machinehead - Unto The Locust [Groove Metal]

Machinehead, not resting on their laurels from the much acclaimed The Blackening, return with such infuriated passion on Unto The Locust, a jolt of unparalleled energy much wanted in a year of slow, brooding, mechanical music released thus far, metal or not. Robb Flynn's vocals have improved dramatically, drums have shown a greater sense of urgency and the guitars create a wall of noise so thick it would make you wonder why Metallica is still trying to make new albums when it's successor is so clearly hear.

13. Blut Aus Nord - 777: Sect(s) / The Desanctification [Avant-Garde Black Metal]

As usual black metal is the only genre still progressing in this era. Whilst many other reviewers have called this a masterpiece that pushes the boundaries of nightmare music, I don't agree. Guaranteed, the off rhythm music is unsettling and frightening, it does not stand up to other artistes who know their limits when experimenting. Rather, the two albums, (s)ects and Desanctification come across as repetitive and unprofessional (the music tends to also go off tune once in a while). However, there is no doubting that the combination of atmosphere, industrial and math-inspired drums are a powerful direction not just for Blut Aus Nord, but for metal in general.

12. Wormrot - Dirge [Grindcore]

There isn't much to say about Dirge, because really, it is whether or not you like the genre. While not as over the top as Benighted, Wormrot come up with so many riffs and drum fills to make up for their lack of innovation. The tempo changes are lightning fast, and the song writing is very intellectual for music this brutal, riffs are actually a nice progression from each other, mathematical. It's difficult to pick a standout track from an album like this, which is so similar to their debut Abused, but for starters, why not try the music videos for 'Erased Existence' and 'Spot A Pathetic'.

11. Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction [Progressive Experimental]

A good thing about Devin Townsend is that he doesn't make music for money despite his success in Strapping Young Lad, and that shows greatly in Deconstruction, as he throws in symphonic elements, goofy samples and even ominous atmospherics and techno; the varity in the music is quite vast. Nevermind that the title track contains sounds of farting and shitting amidst cheesy quotes, it features some sick guitar from Meshuggah's Fredrik Thordendal whilst Gwar's Oderus Urungus screams the completly idiotic lyrics (Oh glorious cheeseburger...we bow to thee. The secrets of the universe are between the buns...), with an even more bombastic choir echoing out to every deranged lyric.

10. Havok - Time Is Up [Thrash Metal]

Havok excels with pacing, riffs and time signatures mutate and change every few seconds. But instead of making it technical wankery, the band still retains an unbelievable amount of catchiness and melody. Guitarists David Sanchez and Reece Scruggs honestly bring back the glory days of Slayer/Metallica with their raw, fast guitar, and there's even a commendable cover of a Slayer medley here. For an example of the band's scorchers, listen to Scumbag In Disguise. After countless releases of doom and gloom, it's nice to finally have some 80s thrash again.

9. Korn - The Path Of Totality [Rock/Dubstep]

Like it or not, Korn is always taking the music world by storm. In 1991, it was with their heavy-as-hell self-titled debut. Then with rap and hip hop in Follow The Leader. Then industrial on Issues. Last year they cameback from their midlife crisis with a back to basics third self-titled album. And right after that, they totally changed their game again by fusing dubstep with their sound of rock. And the results are unlike anything else ever conceived before. It might even revive the tired mainstream rock genre, hey. Better than Gaga or Bruno Mars ruining the world with love songs.

8. 40 Watt Sun - The Inside Room [Doom Metal]

First-timers 40 Watt Sun completely surprise with this moving debut. The first song itself is about problems between two lovers, a forbidden topic in metal. Yet, voclist/guitarist Patrick Walker juggles his strong baritone vocals well with the soaring guitar tunes, with just two other men, bassist William Spong and drummer Christian Leitch, to back him up. The sound, while dreadfully slow, has so much emotional power, and the album is devoid of the usual satanic rubbish that has plagued this genre. Between Times, a partially uplifting song for me right off the bat. Walker can display a soft soothing but yet a fragile voice eager to take flight once again. The transitions and the new riffs are incredible on this album.

7. Revocation - Chaos Of Forms [Thrash/Groove Metal]

Having anticipated this album for over a year already, I was worried that the album would fail to live up to the hype of their last fantastic album, Existence Is Futile. I was however, pleasantly proven wrong. David Davidson plays the 6 strings with such talent and passion, on a thrash metal record (how rare), and his songwriting has matured a lot from the last release. Whilst Existence Is Futile was a good album, it sacrificed song composition for guitar wizardry. Now however, songs progress more naturally from riff to riff, solo to solo, growl to growl. The album kicks off immediately with Cretin and Cradle Robber, and Davidson, now with a new guitarist Dan Gargiulo, bludgeon the listener with riff after riff of technical superiority. Most of the songs follow in similar fashion, with twists, such as the beautiful jazzy outro on the title track, which is one of the best songs on the record, and Fractal Entity. The band has dared to experiment while retaining catchy choruses, a rarity in a music scene where bands either go out of hand trying to be different or produce the same familiar music because their forefathers have made it safe.

6. Rudra - Brahmavidya: Immortal I [Vedic Metal]

Technically, the band has improved in all directions. The production is so clear, with Kathir's jaw-dropping bass pushed to the front this time so that the Indian vibe is more powerful than ever. The inclusion of Vinod on guitar has also served to accentuate the already strong melodies in Rudra's catalogue, you will hear tapping, shredding and wails in the songs while Shiva controls his drumming, making it more airtight. Gone too, are the acoustic raagas that were abundant in Brahmavidya: Transcendental I, making this the most metal album by Rudra. The riffs still contain the Indian vibe though, so don't worry about the band losing it's signature sounds.

5. Hell - Human Remains [Heavy Metal]

Now with David Bower as lead singer (and goddamn, he's opera trained), the band comes back 20 years late, but still in full glory. Just watch the video for 'On Earth As It Is In Hell', a splendid rock opera that balances on the delicate line between cheesy and gothic. Had the band come earlier, the music industry would have changed a bit (just a little, since most people don't appreciate good music). Listening to Bower churn out baritone lines with such majesty, and giving a little roughness just to make it, well, metal, without making it too heavy, making the music exciting, and accessible. And that is probably what distinguishes the legends from those who try too hard. The band puts out amazing music with such ease and camaraderie and they are having a jolly good time, without changing their image or direction for the newer generation, but instead, choosing to remain in the same path they have wanted for almost three decades. And man, I had fun.

4. Vektor - Outer Isolation [Technical Thrash Metal]

One of the better thrash releases this year that got overlooked, but who can blame them in a year that saw releases from Megadeth, Revocation and Havok. Vektor's brand of thrash metal is similar to how Decrepit Birth brought technicality and edginess to a classic genre without ruining the very elements that make it memorable. Black metal squeals and long timings are not thrash elements but they work well here on Outer Isolation.

3. SubRosa - No Help For The Mighty Ones [Progressive Doom]

To look at this at as a purely doom metal album is a grave error, in it you will find elements of folk, death and even pop and sludge. Fronted by female lead singer, the violins and screamed vocals create a unique and ethereal atmosphere unlike anything I have heard this year. Truly breathtaking!

2. Wolves In The Throne Room – Celestial Lineage [Blackened Folk Metal]

As far as traditional black metal goes, I have been waiting quite long for an album like this to drop out this whole year, after seeing outstanding post-black metal this year from Liturgy and Krallice, and now WITTR have returned to bring a bit of old school to this creative new genre. The album starts off with beautiful, lush atmosphere on Thuja Magus Imperium, and even when the female lead gives way to the throaty screams and the guitars come jarring, the trance created by the intro hasn’t gone away, even as blastbeats and solos start flying in. And when the song finally starts, you have a feeling that WITTR are seriously onto something celestial this time.

1. Krallice - Diotima [Black Metal]

Mick Barr and Colin Marston have evolved so much as guitarists that their riffs (almost going up to 20 different riffs in the song 'The Clearing' alone) have reached an almost transcendental quality, it is razor-sharp and fast, it bludgeons against the listener and almost creates a shoegaze element in the music, that is how liturgic the music is. Everything swarms around in a whirldwind, without ever losing its sense of direction. Even more jaw-dropping is the song 'Telluric Rings', with its superb song-writing that create a dense and deep tale of their own whilst the music flows so smoothly, the entire song has enough material for a couple of albums.

Favourite Metal Songs Of 2011:

Korn - Bleeding Out [Rock/Dubstep]
InThyFlesh - Da Nossa Carne [Blackened Shoegaze]
Disma - Spectral Domination [Old School Death Metal]
Orchid - He Who Walks Alone [Heavy Metal]
Havok - Scumbag In Disguise [Thrash Metal]
Iced Earth - Boiling Point [Heavy Metal]
Animals As Leaders - Odessa [Progressive Jazz Metal / Instrumental]
Scar Symmetry - The Anomaly [Melodic Death Metal]
Black Tusk - Set The Dial To Your Doom [Sludgecore]
Absymal Dawn - Into The Service Of Time [Technical Death Metal]
Septic Flesh - Vampire of Nazareth [Symphonic Death Metal]
Anaal Nathrakh - Paragon Pariah [Avant-Garde Black Metal]
Steven Wilson - Remainder The Black Dog [Progressive Jazz]
Fleshgod Apocalypse - The Violation [Symphonic Technical Death Metal]
Devin Townsend Project - Deconstruction [Progressive Experimental]
Wormrot - Manipulation [Grindcore]
Benighted - Let The Blood Spill Between My Broken Teeth [Deathgrind]
Symphony X - Iconoclast [Progressive Metal]
Krisiun - The Will To Potency [Technical Death Metal]
Alcest - Elevation (2011 Rerecorded) [Blackened Shoegaze]
Megadeth - Sudden Death [Thrash Metal]
Revocation - Chaos Of Forms [Thrash Metal]
Autopsy - Macabre Eternal [Old School Death Metal]
Hell - On Earth As It Is On Hell [Heavy Metal]
Rudra - Hymns Of The Immortal Self [Vedic Metal]
Vektor - Tetrastructural Minds [Technical Thrash Metal]
Haken - Visions [Progressive Rock]
Dream Theater - Lost Not Forgotten [Progressive Rock]
Esoteric - Cipher [Funeral Doom Metal]
Blut Aus Nord - Epitome VI [Avant-Garde Black Metal]
Dir En Grey - The Blossoming Beelzebub [Death/Doom Metal]
Hammers Of Misfortune - The Grain [Progressive Rock]
Deafhaven - Tunnel Of Trees [Blackened Shoegaze]
Woods Of Desolation - November [Instrumental]
Machinehead - I Am Hell [Groove Metal]
Empros - Praise Be Man [Post Metal / Instrumental]
Circle Of Ouroborus - Warpath [Blackened Post-Punk]
SubRosa - Beneath The Crown [Progressive Doom]
Opeth - The Lines In My Hand [Classic Rock / Progressive Jazz]
40 Watt Sun - Restless (Acoustic) [Doom Metal]
Krallice - The Clearing [Blackened Grind]
Avichi - Sermon On The Mount [Blackened Doom Metal]
Liturgy - High Gold [Transcendental Black Metal]
Wolves In The Throne Room - Thuja Magus Imperium [Blackened Folk Metal]

Artistes With Work Due in 2012:

Meshuggah
Alcest - Les Voyages De L'Âme (January)
Slayer
Metallica (Alone this time)
Napalm Death - Utilitarian (February)
Le Secrets
Tool (?)
Ministry - Relapse (March)
Lamb Of God - Resolution (January)
Behemoth
Black Sabbath (?)
Rush - Clockwork Angels
Accept – Stalingrad
Kiss – Monster

vektor

2011-12-04T02:30:00.000-08:00

It's a dark, dark day and the air wears a musky odor tonight after the incipient rain transpired in the late afternoon. It feels weird to be writing from camp but I've done it before. There's a strange fondness I have for this place, it is an institute of tough trainings, but these tough times have slowly broken the facade that once represented Satthia, the person who I thought I am.

It's weird listening to post-metal nowadays. I don't like screaming or pounding anymore. Just want intricate rhythms and basslines. I'm listening to Coldplay as we speak. I think it's Clocks playing now.

I haven't been really intimate here in a long time, because there were too many people on the outside world who would easily see the person I am. That makes them judge. That pisses me off.

The events in the last few days have been confusing and I feel really lost. I haven't been talking to my girl friends at all. We operate differently. I don't see the point in riddling with trivialities like clothes or dance-y songs and shit. One refuses to talk to me after my suggestion about having a relationship, but that's my fault. One blocked me on Facebook because I exploded when she thought I was lying about my brother being from ACS. That's stupid. Why wouldn't I know where my brother is studying. Prime example of female stupidity.

I look at everyone around me in their little couple-ish activities and lovey-doviness. It seems any fuckface can get a girlfriend nowadays.

No idea how they do it. Me? I'm a geek who is a sucker for music, movies, spiritual knowledge and alcohol.

The night is too young for me. I have nobody to talk to or think about to keep me up. Just regret and delusion.Life is a deranged illusion.

helpless for happiness

2011-11-26T05:47:00.000-08:00

Every single day feels filled with anomie.

Every single day I wake up with my eyes breaking open the stitches of slumber that sew them shut, with body aches that invade during the night, with insect bites I can't even recognise.

My body isn't small and compact like the typical Singaporean's. It's big. I can't crawl through thin paths or small windows, I can't swing over walls and shit like a normal monkey can.

I have fallen out with most of my female friends because drinking removes any inhibition my mind sets for me and I tell them things about the real me.

Or I think that is the real me because he seems to want to have a girlfriend and recognition and- earthly pleasures.

I just read in the Upanishads that family and relationships are earthly pleasures.

Drinking is helping me give up relationships. And to that fucktards who think I am 'acting drunk' or whatever, there is a difference between high and no control. You don't even know what I really am like.

Thank you for the gin, Lord.

Take away my money, my education, my friends, my crushes, take it all away. Leave me with nothing to live with. Some cute little joke of yours then, isn't it. Why am I here on Earth? A channel to test your fallibility to temptation to your own Creations?

I don't want to believe in God or gods or whatever. Yet I still clasp my hands together, utter some words thanking or cursing whoever's up there. I know nobody receives my pleas up there, I guess that's the joke. To continue to be blinded because I am a slave to happiness.

19 years is too long a test.

Meditations Of A Madman In Scorpio

2011-11-20T02:39:00.000-08:00

Rainy days ahead. Sky is dark. This is such an empty world. Running around the cold, wet jungles for fuck knows what.

The world's more colourful when there's alcohol.

People are replaceable. There one day, missing another. Useless creatures.

Why do I strive so hard for companionship. It's futile. I can never gel with anyone else. I don't see the point in everything that propels their world. They gel easily with others.

Me? The butt of jokes from colour to appearance to personal habits. Yesterday a relative made fun of me for being short. What an irony in this colourless world. I can't talk about what I think because only I find what I think interesting.

I was created to live alone.

Alone I shall be.

Heavy Metal: September/October 2011

2011-11-12T00:28:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to my dear metalhead Shiva Rai. (honory mention)

Anyways, the metal world has already reached its annual peak in the last two months. Metal juggernauts released their long awaited follow ups, especially in the progressive field. Not to mention the worst letdowns (Lulu?). News: Korn to give up nu-metal for what I suppose is dubstep-metal (with Skrillex). Suits their downtuned guitar style but that's as far as I would go. Alcest confirmed to release new album next January, with lead single to be out this December. GWAR guitarist Cory Smoot found dead yesterday. Okay that's it.

1. Orchid - Capricorn (February release)

Genre: Doom Metal

Description: 100% Black Sabbath

Review:

Nevermind that the title track sounds exactly like Black Sabbath's 'Hole In The Sky', in fact, this retro rip off of the old legends turns out to be the plus point of this album, with the singer sounding just like Dio, the guitars warm and fuzzy and the production solid yet old school. Yet, this isn't just a tribute band paying homage to their ancestors, this is what Black Sabbath would truly sound like if it were still alive and Tony Iommi decided to do a little of doom/sludge metal.

The songs have a classic rock vibe but the guitars emanate the same atmosphere of unease that any modern doom metal band would accomplish. You know at once that this German band is on a mission to bring back a 40 year old genre of music that still stays relevant in the age of incessant disc scratching (dubstep?) or mindless blastbeats (mainstream metal isn't that intelligent either). There are moments of introspective solemness in He Who Walks Alone, which even goes on to a shocking Santana-ish jam session as it exits. Instrumentally, the band intelligently use 70s settings to add more integrity to the songs, the Moog synthesizer and rumbling bass making the songs drench with psychedelia.

A band that relies on the past for inspiration to move forward musically to improve a stale genre, by throwing creative flourishes and retaining the signature sounds. Genius.

Bottomline: Not another mindless Black Sabbath clone.

Rating: 9.0/10

2. Mastodon - The Hunter

Genre: Progressive Sludge Metal

Description: Metal for people who don't like metal... if that makes sense.

Review:

When a band plays music that is new, and it receives way too much reception, it is bound to raise eyebrows. Mastodon, entered the metal world with quiet releases like Remission and Leviathan, and stormed the mainstream world with Blood Mountain and the subsequent Crack The Skye, was questioned- would it bow to the pop world and create more acessible music, or would it create music that continues to stump even the longest running metalheads in the world? The answerin The Hunter, is strangely, both.

With the first trilogy of songs Black Tongue, Curl Of The Burl and Blasteroid proving to be the most accessible numbers Mastodon have ever attempted, it is almost surprising to note the progression and time signature changes that are abrupt upon critical examination, but oblivious upon casual listening. Structure is amazing.

Instrumentally, the individual band members have improved in a more cohesive playing style. Whilst in previous releases each band member's instrument was distinct, it is almost impossible to discern anything from the thick solid music created in The Hunter. Each member is thrashing and pounding away, yet it is all almost invisible when listening, with riffs and drumwork fitting perfectly into each segment of the music no matter how random it would seem on its own. At once one is reminded of the dreamy atmospheres on Crack The Skye, yet, the music is earthy and thrashy like Blood Mountain, and this is not immediately realised upon first listen.

Whilst accessible, Mastodon has continued to break tradition with The Hunter with its unusual song structures and time signatures. Though Troy Sanders would do well to attend some lyric writing workshops, the lyrics here are ridiculous.

Bottomline: Mastodon la!

Rating: 9.5/10

3. Insomnium - One For Sorrow (about.com review)

The album starts gradually with Inertia, a slow build that isn't quite an instrumental, but has just some spoken word vocals in the background. Meandering Through The Shadows is the first proper song, with both harsh vocals from Niilo Sevanen and singing from Friman. His voice sounds a little thin, but that may because it is pretty deep in the mix.

In addition to melodeath, Insomnium mixes in progressive elements, which is especially effective on songs like the lengthy Song Of The Blackest Bird. Dense and heavy death metal is interspersed with lighter and more melancholy moments, holding interest throughout the 7 plus minute track.

Insomnium did a really nice job with song order on One For Sorrow. It flows extremely well, with a lot of variety and diversity. There's even an instrumental, Decoherence, which has a mellow and ambient vibe.

One For Sorrow is another strong effort from Insomnium. The songwriting is top-notch, the musicianship excellent and the production crystal clear. If you're a melodic death fan and they've escaped your radar, this is a great opportunity to discover them. Insomnium fans will also appreciate the band's continuing ascension into the upper tier of the genre.

Rating: 8.0/10

4. Metallic and Lou Reed - Lulu

SKIPPED.

5. Megadeth - Th1rt3en

Genre: Classic Thrash

Description: Chris Broderick

Review:

It ain't jaw dropping but it ain't a stump either. Chris Broderick is one of the best things that ever happened to Megadeth in a long time, with the opener Sudden Death a smack in the face to newbies still trying to emulate the guitar wizardry of a 30 year old band. The rerecorded demo New World Order, complete with riffs and solos written by Marty Friedman in the 90s, wouldn’t sound too out of place on Rust In Piece or even Peace Sells…

The rest of the album is mostly good, but there are some songs where the genres choices are a bit head-scratching. Some choices show that Mustaine is enjoying a rare opportunity to show how skilled he is at different genres. With songs like We the People, Guns Drugs & Money, and Deadly Nightshade showing a strong groove metal influence, it seems clear that Mustaine is channeling a love of Pantera and the guitar styles of Dimebag Darrell. These tracks and the inspiration that spawned them are great, and they help to offset the mediocrity of the tracks that have a clear hard rock or mainstream rock tone. Sure, Megadeth has created and performed songs worse than Public Enemy No. 1 or Fast Lane, but next to the high quality of the rest of the album, these songs just seem lackluster.

Overall, though, Th1rt3en is the latest in a series of well-composed and well-executed albums for Megadeth. Unfortunately, it seems likely that the group will be overshadowed once again, this time by their Big 4 comrades Anthrax and their new album Worship Music. In spite of that, though, Megadeth is still very relevant, setting the standard of consistency among thrash bands the world over. Within the Big 4, no one has had the output or the quality of Megadeth since 2001, and outside of the Big 4, Megadeth is still a name that is synonymous with excellence in thrash.

Bottomline: Same shit different day. But it's good shit.

Rating: 8.5/10

6. Iced Earth - Dystopia

Genre: Heavy Metal

Description: Stu Block may be the best singer ever?

Review:

The album's lead single and first song Dystopia starts off with Schaffer's usual guitar and military drums, sounding klike Wolf. Seems normal enough. Then Stu Block enters with a powerful black metal scream, then Schaffer explodes into shred mode, then Stu goes from a Barlow-esque low pitched singing style to a higher register like Tim 'Ripper' Owens, before going into his own metalcore vocals in the chorus after which Troy Steele stamps the song with his fret solo. And this is just the first song.

Songs like Days Of Rage and Boiling Point feature classic Iced Earth thrash, whilst the epic Dark City and the moving ballad End Of Innocence compile some of Iced Earth’s best moments and variety into one hell of a comeback album. Iced Earth is back!

Bottomline: Schaffer’s guitar is on form and Stu Block brings some young vitality into a band that was rotting from decrepitude.

Rating:9.0/10

7.Opeth – Heritage

Genre: Progressive Funk Jazz

Description: Opeth quits death metal for jazz. Suicide?

Review:

You knew this was coming. With the ever increasing quotient of Mikael Akerfeldt's clean vocals even in the heaviest death metal songs, with the blend becoming almost natural by the time Opeth hit the Blackwater Park- era, and the fully clean Damnation in 2002, and the quiet Watershed that only boasted 3 out of 7 songs with death vocals. Now, on Heritage, Mikael Akerfeldt finally realises his teenage dream of recording a psychedelic album, and the surprises never cease to stop.

Heritage boasts rich guitar from Fredrik, unbelievable drumming from Martin Axenrot, amazing keyboards from Per Wilberg, MArtin Mendez's signature basslines, and Mikael's stunning vocals. Lyrics continue to be poetic and song structures are totally unpredictable this time, the first song itself shifting from classic rock to balladry to funk and then to a beautiful guitar solo in the end. That's not the end. I Feel The Dark has the most emotional introduction I have ever heard from Opeth. Therein lies the key; the album is written based on honest, raw emotion that seems to have been frozen in time back when Mikael was 18 years old.

Not to say it is angsty like Linkin Park or something, there is sorrow, but intense, intelligent sorrow at that. Listen to the stunning funk dynamics in Nepenthe, or the unexpected grand finale of The Line In My Hand or the jazzy touch to Folklore. In short, Heritage may be one of the best Opeth albums released after Blackwater Park, and not only restores faith in the musical maturity of the band but adds excitement as to the future endeavors of the band.

Bottomline: For fans of 70s rock or beautiful guitar.

Rating: 10/10

8. Dream Theater - A Dramatic Turn Of Events

Genre: Progressive Metal

Description: Dream Theater moves backward to music more akin to their classic albums.

Review:

I am admittedly a fan of DT's last progressive album SDOIT, before the commercial Train Of Thought was released. From then on I thought the band went downhill, although that is the period when DT started getting more fans (sellout!), and Mike Portnoy was the catalyst behind this transition to metal. After some drama and he left, DT announced Mike Mangini as their new drummer.

Changes? For one thing, the songwriting’s the obvious focus on this album, with members exercising more restraint on their individual instruments (except for keyboardist Rudess). The new drummer, whilst good enough for the band, is virtually invisible in Portnoy’s gigantic shoes. Myung’s bass is hardly audible. James LaBrie hasn’t changed a thing with his singing. However, as to whether the songs reach the soul and integrity of earlier masterpieces of such as Awake and Images is subjective to the listener, as I have said that I dislike most of DT’s music except for SDOIT. One listen to On The Backs Of Angels confirms that DT isn’t necessarily going to drastically change its style, contrary to the album title, even with a change in lineup. Those of you who can appreciate DT’s music all along, will continue to like this record. Those who feel DT has been doing the same stagnant verse-chorus-verse-chorus-solo-solo-solo-solo-solo-chorus thing won’t be surprised here… maybe annoyed even, by the extended duration of instrumentals now that Rudess has taken a bigger role after Portnoy left. He’s a good keyboardist, but… the solo in the middle of Outcry really made me cry.

Bottomline: Good for DT fans.

Rating: 7.5/10

9. Haken – Visions

Genre: Progressive Metal

Description: What Dream Theatre was supposed to be like without Portnoy.

Review:

Perhaps now you would know why I bash DT so much. I present to you, if Opeth and Mastodon were to be considered rock, what I think is the best progressive metal album of the year. Staggering from start to end, Vision features cohesive guitar and keyboards better than ADTOE does, yet with unpredictable time signature changes, and more importantly, emotion and heart that is severely lacking in cheesy imitators of the genre for the past few years.

Instrumentals like Portals and Premonition are immediately accessible yet multi-layered with solos that sound like they were written for the album. Ross Jennings’ vocals are completely outstanding, and you can see that in songs like Nocturnal Conspiracy. Moreover the album manages to flow well, with dreamy psychedelic works like Shapeshifter and Deathless. What’s surprising is that this is only the band’s second album, and these guys may very well become the next Dream Theatre.

Bottomline: For DT fans too.

Rating: 9.5/10

10. Machinehead - Unto The Locust

Genre: Thrash Metal

Description: One of the year's best albums.

Review:

If the opening choral vocals and atmosphere in I Am Hell were not shocking enough, the heavy riffing by Robb Flynn and his screams that gives way to the angriest and most brutal riff of 2011 should reach out and drag you into the deepest, darkest pits of Hell.

Machinehead, not resting on their laurels from the much acclaimed The Blackening, return with such infuriated passion on Unto The Locust, a jolt of unparalleled energy much wanted in a year of slow, brooding, mechanical music released thus far, metal or not. Robb Flynn's vocals have improved dramatically, drums have shown a greater sense of urgency and the guitars create a wall of noise so thick it would make you wonder why Metallica is still trying to make new albums when it's successor is so clearly hear.

It is difficult to choose a standout track because every song has its own character and traits, not a one dimensional album like Megadeth or Slayer. I will try; Be Still And Know has some raw anger and emotion coupled with the songwriting complexities of their previous album (the balance between brutality and freshness is near perfect on Locust). Pearls Before Swine is anthemic and heavy, and is one of the best songs Machinehead have performed, an incredible feat.

Bottomline: Machine-fucking-head

Rating: 10/10

11. Animals As Leaders - Weightless

Genre: Instrumental

Description: More progressive than Dance Of Eternity, groovier than any dubstep released this year, heavier than Meshuggah, more atmospheric than a trance album.

Review:

The first apparent difference from their debut you would notice is the increased amount of electronics, which show forcefully that this isn't going to be the usual shredfest you would expect at Jeff Loomis or Malmsteen calibre.Not that Tosin Abasi's 8 string guitar even compares to musicians who are still trying reach the fastest solos and riffs.In fact if anything more apt, the album feels weigthless. It is almost difficult distinguish between the deep bass-like guitar tones from the electronic hums that emanate from the mix. The album also features more atmosphere, and this time, unlike the collection of mind boggling noises on AAL, Weightless features songs that are full-fledged beasts on their own, and there are more specific emotions and feelings explored, still maintaining the futuristic sound established on AAL. Check out the riffs on Odessa, or the almost electronic-like sounding tapping solos on Isolated Incidents. The songs are deeper now, and less repetitive than AAL.

I cannot say much about the album because I am myself puzzled by the attention to detail by these musicians, lest their musical prowess that hits hard.

Bottomline: The new generation of music.

Rating: 10/10

12. Wolves In The Throne Room – Celestial Lineage

Genre: Black Metal

Description: !!!

Review:

As far as traditional black metal goes, I have been waiting quite long for an album like this to drop out this whole year, after seeing outstanding post-black metal this year from Liturgy and Krallice, and now WITTR have returned to bring a bit of old school to this creative new genre. The album starts off with beautiful, lush atmosphere on Thuja Magus Imperium,, and even when the female lead gives way to the throaty screams and the guitars come jarring, the trance created by the intro hasn’t gone away, even as blastbeats and solos start flying in. And when the song finally starts, you have a feeling that WITTR are seriously onto something celestial this time.

There are elements that you will not find in black metal; the two brothers chanting “Om” on the two minute segue Permanent Changes In Consciousness, space rock keyboards in Subterranean Initiation, and acoustic (harp) shoegaze passage and a post-punk element that follows in Astral Blood. Yet there are also strong moments of black metal pain and agony, done so convincingly the old way, like in the closing track Prayer Of Transformation, that turns to ambience in droning guitars while Weaver screams: "Lay your corpse upon a nest of oak leaves/ Wrapped in a star shroud repent your flesh/ A shadow child dissolves/ Meditate in a den of skins and straight poles... A vessel awaits built from owl feathers and moss,".

That is just powerful, man.

Bottomline: Candidate for best album this year with Krallice.

Rating: 10/10

An Undramatic Turn Of Events

2011-11-07T03:24:00.001-08:00

It's been a year since my GP teacher made me destroy my blog after she received a complain from a classmate, whom I called an alien spy on Earth, and she found a picture of Jabba the Hutt from Star Wars whom I called my GP teacher. She reprimanded me in front of the class which was equally clueless as to what the fuck was going on, and I remember her looking at me and asking, "Do you need psychological help?"

Fast forward a year and here I am stuck with nothing to write about. Writer's bloc has been a massive problem ever since I stopped blogging about personal life and weird philosophy writings and religious shit turned up and people are like:

"Damn where is the nearest Bodhi tree?" Friday at 9:48pm

"whoa...bro i still dont get what it means! i read it 3 times alr...explain please" October 29 at 12:28am

"Omg another post tht i dun understand, satthiaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!" October 1 at 7:50pm

"omg what is this..." October 1 at 8:00pm

"I hate it when people try to make their arguments and stories seem more credible with the use of fancy english" October 1 at 8:02pm

"WHYY THE FUCK U TAG THIS ON MY PROFILE WHAT WAS THAT" October 1 at 10:10pm

"Orh, then?" October 2 at 12:01am

"what the heck is this!?!" October 2 at 5:34pm

"ohmalord the diction hurts." June 11 at 11:45pm

Ah yah that's a big enough clue that NOBODY GIVES A FUCK about these sorta deep things and so I took a step back and wondered what is it about the meaning of life people hated, and started reading old blog posts, and realised- my posts were read last time because it involved the cruel mocking of a certain individual, be it an Indian guy from Clementi or some MGS girl... or even me. To get popular there had to be someone paying the price at the other end (which is why I stopped blogging objectively in the first place, you shallow fuckers), and while I grew spiritually with my own readings, it came like a smack in the face that this cannot go on anymore.

And then comes the moment of sadness and confusion every man finds once or twice in his life when he doesn't even know why he is sad and he drinks the sweetest drink known to mankind- Amsterdam Maximator 11.6% alc. It is hard being an Indian man, with instances of Enciks pumping a group of 'annehs' because they have an 'illegal gathering' or a random poly motherfucker walking in to your bunk and going "siala you hairier than a gorilla sia, hehehehe (uneducated poly laughter)". It is hard seeing the girl you once liked going out with a commando (and one who starts calling you with a private number after you wake up after drinking and realised you smsed his girl the night before). It is hard when your phone has an idiotic memory allocation that lets you save up to a 100 received messages and just one sent message, and people you swear to God you wouldn't talk to when you're sober send you a message like

"drink absinthe 90% sure can go high haha"

"you better explain to me each one of your messages when you get sober"

-which I try to explain except that THERE IS NOTHING ON MY SENT MESSAGES. What's more, I woke up at home without knowing how the hell I ended up in bed, and my parents kept asking me if I had any problem the whole day (which is not a good sign) and my father telling me that I was unconscious with the computer on.

History shows that it was a girl's Facebook account. Oh hell no.

My great plan to rebel against Facebook after some short-lived punk inspiration from watching V for Vendetta, making me change my display picture to Guy Fawkes, seems idiotic now that the group of hackers that planned to destroy Facebook apparently got drunk too since I can still churn out posts like this. My heavy metal notes got deleted after I spent 2-3hours trying to complete about 12 reviews. To hell with this man.

I guess I'm better off doing what I do best. Oh how I miss ACS (I).

To be continued.

Meditations Of A Madman in Libra

2011-10-23T02:33:00.000-07:00

There was one late Saturday night when a friend of mine, with whom I hardly spoke with for a long time, called to talk to me over the phone. I answered with a little trepidation of what would follow, and she told me that at a point of time when she was upset with me, she had a vision; of a little boy who annoyed her, pulling and tugging at her noisily and she was at bursting point. Then a voice spoke to her, "He is precious to Me". She was assured that it was the voice of God.

A few days later she stumbled upon my Facebook profile and recognised the little boy who annoyed her, it was a younger me.

She was sobbing when she told me this.

She didn't allow me to share this till I got her permission. I don't actually have her permission yet.

I remember once returning back home and finding a portrait of Jesus as the wallpaper on my desktop. I was perplexed. My father took credit.

"He appeared in my dream. You may not realise it but he has been helping you all throughout life."

"How?"

"Just look at which school you have been in the last twelve years."

I remembered my father boiling when I barely missed the mark for RI, saying ACS (I) was a horrible school. 4 years later, both my father and I have not regretted any second that I had spent in that institute. Till this day my father goes to pray at Church of St. Alphonsus in Novena. My parents are universal henotheists - praying to one god but believing in the existence of multiple deities. He's a from the village. He's even prayed at a mosque.

I was once supposed to follow my mother to go to a temple. We went to one at the old railway station - it was closed. We went to one at Chinatown - it was newly opened but still not properly facilitated and was quite closed. In the end we ended up in a church. My mother whispered to me as she knelled, "It doesn't matter who you pray to. It's the same."

A close friend of mine, who was tried to convert me in secondary school, renounced his faith.

He adopted Bruce Lee's philosophy; 'Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.'

He said, when you found a better alternative, you would have to move on.

Recently, my friends encountered a ghost at Macritchie whilst manning a sentry post, or something. An entity was calling out their names in a high pitched shaky voice. They recorded it. I listened, it's real. The place used to be a massacre site by the Japanese. My sergeant's sergeants once ran into a rotting woman holding on to the item they were supposed to locate there.

I remember once, in stupor, waking up to a hand spiralling above my face, before everything pulsated and dissipated into thin air.

I remember sitting in the interview room at NUS FASS feeling dazed and worried. I have never been interviewed for academic entry before. I am not a great writer or speaker. I remember explaining, quite unsure myself, the concept of Maya and Absolute Reality to stunned history and psychology deans. And relating that to National Service. The male history dean seemed to appreciate the army humour greatly.

And in the cold hard 'reality' of the world now; Gadaffi dead, China girl run over twice while 18 people walk past her crushed head, economic woes all over Europe, reports that 3000 people go missing in Singapore annually, Wall Street protests.

Go ahead, you, stalk her on Facebook. Buy the iPhone. Cry about that boy leaving you. Fret over studies. Stress with those fashionable clothes.

Obzen;Lateralus

2011-10-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

“When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called a Religion.” - Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Amidst the implacable aberrant blabber of failed raconteurs and the ennui that such torpid blandishment emanates, I found myself in a anonymously fey state of mind, of which I cannot ascribe an apposite species. Days pass by in such elegiac fashion, for something really has passed away in me. Forgive me for this pleonasm, but wordings of such panache are vital to discern those who care and know from the sea of voyeurs.

The past, a series of events that my mind collogued with me, it was gone. But now the revenants of memory seem to conglobate into a holus-bolus of moxie that is finding its way out of me, and the elixir is sapid palliative, though not in bacchanalia. And my present fears, hesitations, such as religious faith and spiritual belief, these runic, morbid thoughts, have suddenly been mundified. Hypocrisy, inconsistency, amaranthine idiocy- daily visions lately that I have had the greatest displeasure of having to lionize. And in drunken stupor, I find myself regarding such heinous traits in none other than me, waking with trepidation to find that I have been footling in intoxicated, infatuated, imbecilic trance.

But with the odyssey into tragedies comes a sick, almost sublime pacification that I can, at best, describe as obZen, or peace in the obscene (as band members of Meshuggah put it in their album). Light in such dark times provide a polysemous entelechy, as such realizations overslaugh the callow-minded. And with recent preachings of such information with a few like-minded futilitarians, at the congregated smoking point beneath the tired gadabouts' bunks, there is almost a copacetic feeling when mantic ideas braird and doubts nebulize.

The beauty of disorder, anarchy, a weltschmerz that has engulfed me in such times. Even in the abject slump of creativity that we pass of as 'normal'- what is this distinction between Science and Art? Between rational and irrational? Boundaries and barriers are by-products of the brain, bruised bricks brought up by the Byzantine. Accept the canonical and you will find yourself in zugzwang. The opposite of bravery isn't cowardice, but conformity. And having asked myself, "Who am I?" for eons, the answer is finally here.

Enough with social construct and economy, there can only be regularity and pulse amidst pandemonium and chaos. Science? A contradictory field in itself, since inquiry to the external only results not in an advancement of knowledge, but a further inquiry of hypotheses, of which become proportional to time, again another fragment of human fiction. Art? An idiotic appreciation of illusion and a way to boost your own ego. Organised religion? A congregation of sheep who will never ever reach the perfection of their creator and will never justify the divides, violence, rapes and ravines committed in the name of a greater being. Society? A group of blind people leading themselves through Science, Art and Organised religion in the name of advancement.

God didn't create this. He only created me.

All this bullshit can only be the work of Man. And I revel in the madness, or so termed by 'society', in the deconstruction of this world. Anarchy begins with me.